Art enables me to get past fear, self-judgement, and negative self-talk, and communicate my true self...whether you like it or not.
Well hello! I’m feeling myself today pretty dang hard. I woke up this morning and immediately channeled Beyonce. I looked in the mirror and said, “I woke up like this! I woke up like this!”
I had a nasty migraine for the two days prior, so it’s no surprise that when I woke up pain free this morning with energy and spirits high, I felt ready to take on the world! Or at least, the day. I’m out of the shame hole I put myself in last week and I’m excited because I’m ready to embark on a plan that I have spent the past couple of weeks brainstorming and developing.
For a good while now, I have been investing most of my time at the computer, which can be difficult for me, but it was necessary in order to get to the next creative project that I hope will be ready for you no later than mid-October.
What is the new project, you ask? MORE LOVE CLUBS!!!!! Back by popular demand and I’ll have a few new styles to introduce to you including full sized Love Clubs called the Glamazon. Oh yeah.
My Love Clubs are the first original art series I have ever created, that has completely sold out. What I first made as kind of a joke for a friend, has become a project that I think will be around for a while. I have even had people suggest that I find a way to mass produce them.
The thing is, I am not interested in mass producing, as that takes the creativity completely out of the picture and just means I would be manufacturing goods in mass quantity, which to me, makes them WAY less special and WAY less interesting.
The act of creating art, makes me feel powerful and confident.
I like making art with my hands. I don’t want machines to do it for me and there is a reason for that: The act of creating art, makes me feel powerful and confident.
Let me break this down for you: I spend my life battling fear and anxiety. There was a time, not too long ago that fear was my biggest advisor, and one that I listened to as gospel. I spent my teen years screaming that I would “never live my life fear driven”, only to wake up in my 30s to realize that is EXACTLY what my entire life had been driven by.
Now that I’m aware of the existence of my CFO (Chief Fear Officer), it’s easier for me to realize when I’m basing my decisions from a place of fear, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t catch myself listening intently to the CFO’s advice and sometimes, even searching it out.
Back in December, I offered a series of paintings called Reclaimed Hearts to you. These paintings were created in direct response to my essay, “I Was a Promiscuous Teen: An Open Letter to All the Men from My Past”, going viral, and the response that I received from around the world.
I wasn’t alone anymore in my fear and shame and it gave me strength to take back my own heart. That was the first time that my painting and my emotions became aligned, and that alignment has been present ever since.
The Love Clubs were in response to a friend telling me how she didn’t feel safe walking her dog because of the unwanted attention she received from men in the park across the street from her house. She also longed to be friendly, smile, and say hello, but it always led to her being sexualized by these men. She’s also gorgeous and has unique style and so I created the Love Club for her.
It was a statement about women not feeling safe, feeling like they are only seen for their sex, and wanting to be friendly, decent people without attracting unwanted sexual attention (imagine!). Since the first batch of Love Clubs sold out, I have heard from women who carry the following around with them in their day-to-day lives in order to feel safe:
- pepper spray
- a knife or metal spike on their keychains
- dogs that are unfriendly-to-strangers
- stun guns
- baseball bats
- car keys between their fingers, and last but not least
- RBF (resting bitch face)
The Love Club was also a satirical take on women being told to smile, be kind, polite, and presentable. My friend didn’t want to look unfriendly. She like smiling and saying hello. But it never ended well.
While I was a bit saddened that women resonated with the Love Club as much as they did, it also felt like I was taking some of our power back by saying, “Fine! I’ll smile, be polite, look beautifully accessorized, AND I’ll fucking kick your ass if you get near me.” It made me feel powerful and less victimized.
I realize that my art coming into alignment with my emotional state established a strength in me that I didn’t know I could feel.
I realize that my art coming into alignment with my emotional state established a strength in me that I didn’t know I could feel. It’s like my true self as an artist finally figured out that I actually have something specific to say. Sure, I want to make beautiful art, but I also want that art to mean something, to make people feel, and in the case of the Love Club, to be able to defend themselves beautifully.
My art has empowered me to speak my truth more clearly than I ever thought possible. And if you’ve noticed that I’ve turned into more of a potty-mouth over the past couple of months, well, that is in direct connection with me simply being ready to show you more of the real me.
My “one bad word per blog post” rule has been thrown out the window. I simply don’t want to sensor myself in the name of being polite anymore. In real life, I drop the F-bomb about 20 times per conversation. It may very well be my favorite word.
So, sorry not sorry to those who may be scratching their heads and wondering when I’ll just do some beautiful ocean art again. I’m just not in that mind set right now. Stick with me though. If I’ve learned anything about myself, it’s that I operate in cycles and I’m sure, at some point, I’ll yearn for some simple and serene beauty. But that’s not where I’m at today.
So be on the lookout for the new batch of Love Clubs that will show up in October (there will be some trick or treat Love Clubs!) followed by a series of “no paint left behind paintings”, in the theme of Inappropriate Mantras and Affirmations. Yup. That’s where I’m at right now. You’ll just have to deal with me.
In the comments below, I would love for you to tell me one thing that fear stops you from doing. Don’t let fear, insecurities, shame, or guilt get in your damn way. Fuckin’ own that shit.
If you are interested in having early access to the next batch of Love Clubs, I have created a new waitlist just for you. CLICK HERE to get on that list, get early access to the Love Club sale, and Defend Yourself Beautifully! LOL! I totally crack myself up!
I am an artist and writer, living in Talent, Oregon with my husband and daughter. I play in the ocean to stay strong and inspired, and I often visit my hometown of New Orleans, where the rhythm of my heartbeat is renewed. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram where I post stuff sometimes. To hear from me more regularly, join me on this crazy, beautiful Artventure.