What do we do in a world where logical reason and human decency don't seem to be the norm anymore?
Was it ever the norm to begin with, or have we just been living in denial?
On Monday, we returned from the beach. Rolling up to the house after a weekend of surfing is always a bittersweet moment. I’m happy to be home, but usually the Zen bliss I receive from surfing wears off pretty quickly after getting back to the valley. Especially when I’m running down the street fussing at a very pissy young man for not cleaning up after his dogs, who habitually crap right in the middle of the sidewalk in front of my house. Welcome home.
My tolerance level has bottomed out. It might be that I’m at my busiest time at work, it’s the end of the school year, and I have a show next week. Whatever the case may be, I’m already feeling frazzled and I haven’t even gotten to the show yet. I’m doomed! It’s all terrible! How ever will I pull through?
Yeah yeah yeah. Blah blah blah. Bitch bitch bitch. I know myself well enough to realize that I’m in a negative mind set and it’s going to take some work to get out. Combine all of the small things with what is going on in our political environment right now and it’s a surprise that we’re not all bat shit crazy.
I’m finding myself in a place of extreme frustration and agitation. I feel that my rights as a woman are threatened, the world is literally dying, that life is hard and that’s just the way it is. It made me feel worse after I tried to cheer up my daughter by telling her that life being hard is not abnormal. That life’s a bitch and it’s how you handle it that matters. Well that is definitely NOT what she wanted to hear. I might as well have killed her puppy.
I told her that she has to take the beauty as it come and accept the chaos along the way. I told her that it won’t get easier, she is not unique in the struggle and that she has to choose how she handles it. Yeah…she didn’t like any of that.
But here’s the deal: We have to accept what life throws at us and simply deal with the onslaught. We have to face the fact that the world is in a moment of transition, we are not in control, that we as a people have weaknesses and it is not ok to sweep those weaknesses under the carpet just because we don’t want to look at them.
We can pretend to have it all together. We can pretend to be strong. We can pretend to be macho. It’s all bullshit. I mean, how many people do you know who really, honestly, have it all together? I’m going to go ahead and say I know two people in my life who have mastered Zen and the Art of Living. That would be my Father and my Husband. (Yes, I’m aware that I married my Father.)
The rest of us? We’re hot mess sundaes with moments of clarity sprinkled on top. Half the time, I have no idea what the hell is happening. The other half, I seem to have an ok grip. But life sure makes it hard to remain in a state of sanity. Why? Life! That’s why!
Here is a taste of what I’m talking about:
- Friend #1 just wants to take her dog for a damn walk. She has a big ole Pitbull, but that doesn’t stop the skeezy men who hang out in the park across from her house from ogling and making unwelcome comments. She doesn’t feel safe walking her fucking Pitbull.
- Friend #2 needed a roommate, found one, allowed him to move in and he immediately went fucking crazy, refuses to pay rent, or leave, and makes her feel so threatened that she is now living at a neighbor’s house as she awaits a court date.
- Friend #3 had to go to court to figure out a co-parenting schedule with the Dad, who has not paid a penny in child support, but still felt the need to drag her to court.
- Not to mention the five different long-term couples we are friends with who have all had total relationship breakdowns within the past year. Couples dropping like flies around here!
- Oh…and the small thing that’s happening to women’s rights presently…I mean how are we all not 100% cray cray at this point?
Need further evidence? Here’s a sampling of the first three posts on my Facebook timeline right now:
- From simple anger: “Growling. Vague book style. Growl with me please. Life is not fair & mean people suck. That is all. Grrrrrrrrr.”
- To trying to make light: “What the hell is going on?? If my mind wasn’t so blown I’d be able to think of the punch line but there are so many jokes I can barely separate them all.”
- To resigning oneself to a global realization: “Worldwide embarrassment.”
What the hell IS going on? Is the wisdom I’m trying to give to my daughter doing more damage than good? Is it just me, or does the shit storm just keep getting more extreme? I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my cool. Maybe I shouldn’t. Perhaps the time has come to ditch all of my pre-conceived notions of how “normal life” works. To be honest, normalcy got thrown out the window when I realized how naïve I’ve been my whole life in thinking that men and women are equals. (The fact that we don’t receive equal pay blew my mind. Insert eye roll here.)
So, what do we do? Ditch our lives, head to D.C. and protest? Drag out crazy roommates by the hair? Shame dead beat dads on social media? I’ve always been one to take the peaceful route, but frankly, I’m feeling pretty done being polite. You can ask the guy who I chased down the street demanding that he clean up his dog crap. He looked at me like I was the asshole.
I’m done being quiet. IT’S NOT OK. None of it. I’m not sure what to do but protest in my own way, which today means breaking my own rule of using only one bad word per blog post. I can talk about meditation and exercise, getting outside and practicing acceptance. That doesn’t seem to be scratching my itch lately. Everything feels broken.
I apologize for being such a downer today but that’s where I’m at. I don’t know what the answer is. I think I’ll go do some Yoga. Om fucking Shanti.
I am an artist and writer, living in Talent, Oregon with my husband and daughter. I play in the ocean to stay strong and inspired, and I often visit my hometown of New Orleans, where the rhythm of my heartbeat is renewed. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram where I post stuff sometimes. To hear from me more regularly, join me on this crazy, beautiful Artventure.