I’m going to surf into the New Year with intention.
Do you ever feel like your blasted with joy this time of year? It’s literally one of the most stressful times of year, and all I see are advertisements showing people smiling while shopping, laughing at parties, and turning out flawless table settings and meals. Is anyone’s holiday reality like that? Anyone? Anyone?
I always want to start the new year bright eyed and bushy tailed, with confidence exuding from my pours and optimism oozing from my eye balls. AND I always find that come New Year’s Eve, I’m so stinkin’ tired from the holiday, that all I want to do is sleep. I mean, who wants to start 2020 in a coma.
I’m in a tentative place right now. I feel as though I’ve been laying the ground work for a successful New Year and I feel solid in the work I’ve been doing both on my business and in my personal life. At the same time, there are many reasons why I’m scared.
I’m scared because it’s my daughter’s last months living at home before she graduations high school and heads to college. I’m worried because the business decisions I made this year have caused me to head into 2020 without much cash in my business savings account. And if I zoom out, I’m plain frightened of failure. That my art isn’t good enough and that I could be doing things differently at home.
What if I’m doing it all wrong???
Now, nothing sparks my anxiety like endless to do lists and shopping trips. The grocery store is already one of my top triggers for anxiety, just on an average day. This time of year, the shopping seems endless. Holiday gifts, Christmas cards, post office, grocery stores, preparations for travel, post office again, now the kids need gifts for teachers and friends, aw crap I need host gifts for the parties I’ve been invited to, last trip to the post office (Gad willing), and the icing on the holiday shopping cake, COSTCO.
It’s amazing to me that we’re all not totally crazy by the time New Year’s comes. Maybe we are. Maybe we’re super good at hiding it...
For the past two years that we have stayed out West for the holidays, my Hubbie and I have bagged any New Year’s celebrations and have taken off to the coast to surf for New Year’s. Is it because I don’t like going out New Year’s Eve? Yes and no. Historically, New Year’s was always a night that I looked forward to…but historically I was younger, and drinking. A lot has changed.
It has been calming to hear not fireworks, but waves crashing and gulls singing.
The last couple of New Year’s Eves at the coast have been quiet, restful, and mindful. Being in the ocean for New Year’s has made me feel strong heading into the new calendar and cleaned me of the holiday stress. It has been nice not to see all the street trash that is created by New Year’s celebrations. It has been calming to hear not fireworks, but waves crashing and gulls singing.
I am both excited and scared about 2020. My daughter will be a college student and I will officially become an empty nester. My business will be in its third year. The first piece of art I create in 2020 will be my 234th piece of art I’ve created while in business. It will be my tenth anniversary of becoming a surfer. My Hubbie and I will celebrate 15 years of life together.
The truth is that it is coming, whether I’m ready or not. I’m not…but hey…these days, I don’t feel ready for tomorrow. The holiday uproar has created shaky ground. The funny thing is I love Christmas…but I don’t love preparing for Christmas.
Hopefully I’ll be literally surfing into the new year, but what if the conditions aren’t good and that isn’t in the plan? I may spend New Year’s Eve at the Buddhist Temple. Meditating and participating in ceremonials meant to bring peace into our 2020.
Let’s create our future.
2020 is coming. My fear will not delay it. As I write this, every inch of my being just wants to be back in bed. I have two more days to push myself through before I get a work break and then another six days before I can begin to emotionally prepare myself for a new beginning.
I have never thought about New Year’s with this amount of intention. Hopefully that will cause a ripple that will lead the way to a peaceful trip around the sun. Fear be damned! Peace be accepted!
That all being said, this will be my last blog post of 2019 and tomorrow (Friday) will be the last day of my holiday sale. As of Friday evening, I will be on holiday vacation. I will focus on my family and friends…and myself. I will spend the days setting the intention for how I want my 2020 to unfold. And then I’ll let it all go. Hopefully to float away in the ocean to the land of intentions, where my seed will plant itself and my life will grow to new heights.
And the fear? It’s still there. It doesn’t go away. I believe that I can live alongside it, talking to it as if it were my sister and reminding it that while I know it will remain with me in 2020, that it doesn’t get to be in the driver’s seat. That seat is reserved for peace.
It’s time. In the comments, tell me your intention for 2020. Let’s set it together here and now. Say it out loud. Say it again. Let’s create our future.
Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones. I’ll see you in 2020. XO
The painting at top is called The Line, 8x8, Acrylic on Canvas, $160 and is a reminder to surf the waves of life. Make it yours by clicking here.
I am an artist and writer, living in Talent, Oregon with my husband and daughter. I use creativity to break through anxiety paralysis, I play in the ocean to stay strong and inspired, and I often visit my hometown of New Orleans, where the rhythm of my heartbeat is renewed. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram where I post stuff sometimes. To hear from me more regularly, join me on this Crazy, Beautiful Artventure.