Tag: Control Freak

I Don't Like Hugging Strangers: Quarantine Discovery of the Week

While we’re all feeling pretty dang trapped by this situation, I am trying to find a sense of freedom within this new normal.  If you think about it, the second that we decide to loosen our grip and just let the new normal develop as it will, we are liberated.  Because the truth is, it’s not up to us.  And it won’t be for a while.

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How the Pandemic is Actually Calming My Anxiety the Fuck Down

I’d like to do a study.  How many people out there, who consider themselves to be content and calm individuals in their day-to-day life are freaking the fuck out right now?  Now, how many people who are anxious 95% of the time, are actually finding that their anxiety/depressive tendencies have lessened now that we are in uncharted waters?

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How Looking Back Can Propel Me Forward

I’ve been walking in and out of my studio looking at my supplies, trying to find a glimmer of inspiration to no avail.  Then I saw my pencils.  I pulled up some of my favorite beach photos and began drawing one.  I haven’t done this in a long time and it feels like an old friend.

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How I Find Strength in Surrender

If I allow surrender to guide me, I create space for new and endless paths to show themselves. We think of surrender as giving up when really surrender is peace in action. 

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How Slowing Down Helps Me Accomplish More

I had been working on a painting that wasn’t coming along well.  I was attempting to create the first in the series of “breathe paintings” that I told you about last week.  What was coming out was the prickliest looking “breath” I have ever seen.  It was pointy, sharp, not at all the feeling of inhale and exhale that I had hoped to create.  I realized that my state of mind at the time was abrupt, self-critical, and racing like it was running around on fire.

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Thank God for This Particular Anxiety Symptom

Anxiety often tells me that I don’t do enough and I don’t do good enough. In turn, I am extremely detail oriented and so paranoid about doing right by myself and others, that I will work myself to the bone to make sure that I am giving one million percent of myself at all times. It’s an excellent way to burn out.  But it also makes me strong in a crisis situation.

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Saying “Hello,” to My Anxiety Instead of Wishing It Away

“Are you God?” The stare she was giving was one of the most intense looks I have ever seen on a person.  “You think you can control how you feel?  You think you can just make yourself not angry, sad, or unsure?” With those four questions, she blew me open, and I had an entirely different view of how I perceived myself.  

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Allowing the Ebb and Flow of Anxiety and Growth

This past week, I slipped into old patterns, and ended up in my doctor’s office due to out of control anxiety.  I was pretty sure that what I was experiencing was anxiety, but when you feel like you’re having a heart attack, it helps to have a professional tell you that you aren’t actually dying. 

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How Guilt & Shame Block Success and My Way Past the Road Block

I am having a complicated day.  I had a work misunderstanding and it has ended up costing me money, which in turn makes me feel totally guilty, like I messed up big time, and now I’m a failure. 

In an attempt to re-frame, I could also say that I learned an important lesson, I won’t make that mistake again, and I’ve been offered a way to re-coop some of the lost dollars.  That should make me feel better, right?  It doesn’t.

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How Compliments Make Me Uber Uncomfortable and What I Do to Keep My Cool Under Praise

When people pay me compliments, what they say doesn’t equate with how I feel about myself.  Therefore, I feel like a fraud.  Like I’m about to be found out.  It’s easy to think the positive voices are wrong when I’ve been bombarded by an inner negative one all my life.

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