I was having tea with a friend today who believes that we call in every experience in our lives. Every single one. Even the traumatic and horrible ones that may involve other people’s hurtful actions. I was skeptical and wanted to know more.
I had been working on a painting that wasn’t coming along well. I was attempting to create the first in the series of “breathe paintings” that I told you about last week. What was coming out was the prickliest looking “breath” I have ever seen. It was pointy, sharp, not at all the feeling of inhale and exhale that I had hoped to create. I realized that my state of mind at the time was abrupt, self-critical, and racing like it was running around on fire.
I have figured out three steps that I take when anxiety and overwhelm strike, that help me break everything down into manageable actions. Oddly, these steps have nothing to do with organizing or making lists. Those are procedures that come out of clarity. The three steps that I am referring to help me gain that clarity and in turn, strength and confidence to deal with the various shit shows that arrive unexpectedly.
I am having a complicated day. I had a work misunderstanding and it has ended up costing me money, which in turn makes me feel totally guilty, like I messed up big time, and now I’m a failure.
In an attempt to re-frame, I could also say that I learned an important lesson, I won’t make that mistake again, and I’ve been offered a way to re-coop some of the lost dollars. That should make me feel better, right? It doesn’t.