I was talking to my friend, and I told her about how feeling better is great and my temptation during these high times is to announce, “ALL FIXED!” to the world and move on with my life in a permanent state of bliss and peace. But in the back of my head, I know it’s a cycle. I know there will be another down swing at some point. Then I thought…does there have to be?
I’m just going to admit it. I’ve been feeling pretty dang pleased with myself these days. Being one who is aware of my anxiety cycles, I’m at the top of the wave right now. Peaking in bliss and comfort. I feel strong. My energy is good. My confidence is on point. To be honest, I’m at the part of the cycle when I feel like maybe, just maybe, this time the peak won’t end.
That thought brings with it a certain trepidation.
One morning, a little less than 3 years ago, I woke up with a mass in my throat. I could feel it all the time. It was ever present. When I talked, swallowed, yawned, laid down to sleep, it was always there. I could actually press on my throat and feel a little "pop" happen. I went to see my doctor...and there was nothing there.
There is no doubt that we are all up to our eye balls in stress and anxiety. Adults are feeling it. Kids are feeling it. People (like me) who were once only wanting to see and spread “positive news” on Facebook are no longer able to ignore it. (And by the way, I felt it even when I was ignoring it….I don’t know why I thought denial was a sound strategy…) The bottom line is, shit is fucked up right now. We are in a huge Pile Of Transition. It’s a big, hot, steamy, stanky pile, and folks are getting stuck in it whether they like it or not.