I’d love it if you would join me. For those of you on Facebook, I have started a private group called “QuARTantine”. This group is a place to share your art, craft, music, essays, poems, monologs, skits, etc. while we're under quarantine. It looks like we're going to be inside for a while. The good news is art is NOT cancelled. Let's inspire each other during this time and stay in touch with our creative nature.
Ever since the holidays, I have not been able to gain any traction in my work. Like one of those dreams when I’m trying to running but I can’t seem to build up any speed at all. At least I can say that it’s not for no reason. The past five months have been intense, and until about two weeks ago, I had not been feeling so great. Then I received a Shockabuku.
I have figured out three steps that I take when anxiety and overwhelm strike, that help me break everything down into manageable actions. Oddly, these steps have nothing to do with organizing or making lists. Those are procedures that come out of clarity. The three steps that I am referring to help me gain that clarity and in turn, strength and confidence to deal with the various shit shows that arrive unexpectedly.
I am having a complicated day. I had a work misunderstanding and it has ended up costing me money, which in turn makes me feel totally guilty, like I messed up big time, and now I’m a failure.
In an attempt to re-frame, I could also say that I learned an important lesson, I won’t make that mistake again, and I’ve been offered a way to re-coop some of the lost dollars. That should make me feel better, right? It doesn’t.
I sat down with him to eat dinner and felt the anxiety building up behind my eyes, like my head would explode any second. The familiar thoughts that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around, that I’m a nuisance, and that he was completely disgusted with me because I was crumbling right in front of him, all began to dig deep and set roots into my brain.
I’m just going to admit it. I’ve been feeling pretty dang pleased with myself these days. Being one who is aware of my anxiety cycles, I’m at the top of the wave right now. Peaking in bliss and comfort. I feel strong. My energy is good. My confidence is on point. To be honest, I’m at the part of the cycle when I feel like maybe, just maybe, this time the peak won’t end.
That thought brings with it a certain trepidation.