I always want to start the new year bright eyed and bushy tailed, with confidence exuding from my pours and optimism oozing from my eye balls. AND I always find that come New Year’s Eve, I’m so stinkin’ tired from the holiday, that all I want to do is sleep. I mean, who wants to start 2020 in a coma.
I have figured out three steps that I take when anxiety and overwhelm strike, that help me break everything down into manageable actions. Oddly, these steps have nothing to do with organizing or making lists. Those are procedures that come out of clarity. The three steps that I am referring to help me gain that clarity and in turn, strength and confidence to deal with the various shit shows that arrive unexpectedly.
I know that my feelings are my feelings, and they come from me. At the same time, I know that not all of my feelings are the truth, and I can call them out as false if I just engage in a little conversation with them. Sometimes, I find both truth and false in the feeling, but then I can decide what to do based on that distinction, rather than based on an overblown and sometimes imaginary feeling. Cool, huh?
I’m just going to admit it. I’ve been feeling pretty dang pleased with myself these days. Being one who is aware of my anxiety cycles, I’m at the top of the wave right now. Peaking in bliss and comfort. I feel strong. My energy is good. My confidence is on point. To be honest, I’m at the part of the cycle when I feel like maybe, just maybe, this time the peak won’t end.
That thought brings with it a certain trepidation.
One morning, a little less than 3 years ago, I woke up with a mass in my throat. I could feel it all the time. It was ever present. When I talked, swallowed, yawned, laid down to sleep, it was always there. I could actually press on my throat and feel a little "pop" happen. I went to see my doctor...and there was nothing there.