Tag: meditation

How I Choose Beauty While Accepting Chaos

I take these steps bravely, with enthusiasm, and with the belief that there is a positive future ahead.  I’m not crying in my coffee every morning at all.  In many ways, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.  (Which may or may not be totally fucked up, but hey, I’ve never really done things in the “right” way or order, so it kind of makes sense.)

Read entire article.

That Year I Had a "Lump" in My Throat: How My Anxiety Manifests Physically

One morning, a little less than 3 years ago, I woke up with a mass in my throat.  I could feel it all the time.  It was ever present.  When I talked, swallowed, yawned, laid down to sleep, it was always there.  I could actually press on my throat and feel a little "pop" happen.  I went to see my doctor...and there was nothing there.

Read entire article.

How Do We Transition Along with this Crazy Ass World?

We have to accept what life throws at us and simply deal with the onslaught.  We have to face the fact that the world is in a moment of transition, we are not in control, that we have weaknesses and it is not ok to sweep those weaknesses under the carpet just because we don’t want to look at them. 

Read entire article.

Marigny Goodyear on The Mental Illness Happy Hour

I would like to give a HUGE shout out and thank you to Paul Gilmartin for having on his podcast, The Mental Illness Happy Hour.  The segment is called, "Trading Sex for Love", and we discuss my essay, I Was a Promiscuous Teen: An Open Letter to All the Men from My Past, including sex, objectification, consent, alcoholism and many more totally uncomfortable topics.  Paul is a generous listener and wonderful interviewer and his podcast can make me laugh and cry within the same 30 seconds.  Download the Mental Illness Happy Hour app or listen on the website: 
https://mentalpod.com/archives/5168.

Read entire article.

One Painting with Infinite Personalities: The Process is Not Always a Straight Line

Some paintings have an identity that comes out fast and strong.  When this happens, the painting resolves itself quickly.  It feels amazing because it’s as if the painting just flows out of me and onto the canvas, without question.  I hardly need to pause to make decisions in color or composition.  It simply becomes. 

Read entire article.

Harmonized Chaos: Striving to live with the sweet AND the salty

Once, I was at a little league game when another Mom, who is also a friend, asked how I had quit drinking.  When I told her that I had to go and get a few years of help, the smile on her face dropped into one of concern.  She immediately began waving her hands in front of her in a cease and desist motion, and said in a hushed voice, “We don’t have to talk about it.”  It was though the subject had passed over a line, from “friendly self-help topic” to “things not discussed in public”.  

Read entire article.

The Panda and Dragon Within

How is it that I desire attention and simultaneously want to run from it?  I have told myself that I must be the most self-conscious, arrogant person in the world. I thought that this dichotomy made me weak and wishy-washy, as if it meant that I didn’t know myself enough to be solid in either role.  However, I now see that both sides serve a purpose that allow the other to live and flourish. 

Read entire article.

How Taking a Break for Self-Care IS Being Productive

While I do think that there is a time and place for comfort food/Olivia Benson therapy, I know myself well enough to know that this past Tuesday morning, shutting down was not the solution.  It would only be delaying the inevitable and that in itself would just create its own additional stress. However, the circles I was walking in were gaining a frantic speed that I can only compare to the Looney Toons Tasmanian Devil.  I wasn’t making progress. I was moving just to move, trying to trick myself into thinking that I was being productive. With every step, a new worry popped into my head. I had to go to the beach.

Read entire article.

Reclaiming My Broken Heart

My blog post, I Was A Promiscuous Teen: An Open Letter to All the Men from My Past (see below) has gone viral, and the response has been intense. We need to keep talking, sharing our secrets and burdens.  I truly feel as though I have reclaimed my heart and my power, and I no longer feel terrified of this part of my past. 

Read entire article.

6 Questions I Ask Myself to Determine if I'm Doing My "Best"

“Do your best” is something that I say to myself and my daughter pretty often.  Recently, however, I have found that even though my intention is to “do my best”, I usually feel as though I should be doing more than I am, that I should have more accomplished than I do and that I should be somewhere further along by now in my business.  Don’t ask me to define where I think I should be…I can’t.  It is an arbitrary finish line that I understand I will never, ever reach.  I will never think I’m doing enough therefore, I can only do my "best" and try to be kind to myself in the process, right?  

Read entire article.