Ever since the holidays, I have not been able to gain any traction in my work.  Like one of those dreams when I’m trying to running but I can’t seem to build up any speed at all.  At least I can say that it’s not for no reason.  The past five months have been intense, and until about two weeks ago, I had not been feeling so great. Then I received a Shockabuku.

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I always want to start the new year bright eyed and bushy tailed, with confidence exuding from my pours and optimism oozing from my eye balls.  AND I always find that come New Year’s Eve, I’m so stinkin’ tired from the holiday, that all I want to do is sleep.  I mean, who wants to start 2020 in a coma. 

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I have figured out three steps that I take when anxiety and overwhelm strike, that help me break everything down into manageable actions.  Oddly, these steps have nothing to do with organizing or making lists.  Those are procedures that come out of clarity. The three steps that I am referring to help me gain that clarity and in turn, strength and confidence to deal with the various shit shows that arrive unexpectedly.

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I sat down with him to eat dinner and felt the anxiety building up behind my eyes, like my head would explode any second.  The familiar thoughts that everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around, that I’m a nuisance, and that he was completely disgusted with me because I was crumbling right in front of him, all began to dig deep and set roots into my brain.

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One morning, a little less than 3 years ago, I woke up with a mass in my throat.  I could feel it all the time.  It was ever present.  When I talked, swallowed, yawned, laid down to sleep, it was always there.  I could actually press on my throat and feel a little "pop" happen.  I went to see my doctor...and there was nothing there.

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